Spouse / House Hunt

I am at that age when a good number of my friends are looking to find their partner, get married (arranged marriage) and almost an equal number of them are looking to buy houses (moving on to the next stage after getting married). I have had hours of conversation with friends from both spectrum regarding the criteria for the perfect spouse/house, the challenges and so on. And I realized how eerily similar both searches are.
In both cases its a big commitment.. You want to make the right choice.. So you come up with these set of criteria which you believe constitute your perfect specimen... You think anything less would not make you happy.. I know here some of you say that spouse is for life and a house not necessarily so... I agree but a house is financially binding and a fairly long term commitment...hence the knot in the stomach feeling before making the decision in both cases can be quite similar...don't you think?
In coming up with the set of criteria in either case sometimes one might get sidetracked from the core of the issue. Some criteria are added on, as a supposed defense against unfavorable characteristics one comes across, in the search. Like you see a house which is 15 years old and is probably not in that great shape and voila a new criteria that the house has to be less than 5 years old is added. Or you meet this guy/ girl who grew up in some other city than you..And you don't connect (like just very different backgrounds)..And suddenly a new criteria of guy/girl being from the same city as you is added. Somewhere along the line the search becomes all about the add ons rather than the important things..I wonder how many of us try to analyze what we really want from a criteria on the list.
So heres a thought...House hunters are recommended to make a list at the beginning of the search dividing their requirements into "Must Haves" and "Nice to Haves". Along the search this helps keep focus on the essentials. Also the process of preparation of the list may cause one to delve deeper into each requirement. I think it will do a world of good to make a similar list for spouse hunt as well. So that criteria about "smart" can go to the "must have" list whereas, "from Top 5 schools" one, can go to "nice to have". Cause somewhere along the line when "smart" morphs into "only from Top 5 schools" the list will help bring you back to the starting point.
At the end of the day finding both "Haves" in one specimen would be perfect..But I think perfect is overrated ;)

Artichoke Rassa

On our wedding anniversary we had dinner at one of our all time favorite restaurants called Malabar in Santacruz,CA. Few of the things that I love about this place are, the 6 or 7 new items on the menu every time we go, creative fusion of east and west and a chef who checks on you at least twice during the meal. This time we ordered an artichoke curry which was mind blowing. I had never imagined artichoke in a curry and I have to say I loved the combo.
This new found love ganged with an excellent recipe I had been itching to try, resulted in the creation of Artichoke Rassa.
FYI the dish in which the rassa was served was made by me ( ceramics class is showing results now :) )

Ingredients:
Artichoke hearts (I used canned this time. Will definitely get fresh next time)
11/2 Onions (medium sized) sliced
3 vine tomatoes chopped(Roma would be fine- probably should use 2)
1/4 cup of coconut (I used frozen)
5 cloves
5 peppercorns
2 red chilies
(please use the preceding 3 spices as per your spice level. The original recipe calls for more spices. I toned it down and it was plenty spicy for us.)
1 tsp poppy seeds (khus-khus)
1 tsp Saunf (fennel seeds)
1 tsp ginger paste
2 cloves minced garlic
1/2 tsp turmeric
2 tbsp oil
Coriander/Cilantro for garnish
Method:
1)Fry cloves, peppercorns, saunf, poppy seeds, red chilies in oil till the spices are fragrant.
2) Add the onions, garlic and ginger and fry.
3)Once the onions are cooked add the coconut and fry till it is light golden.
4) Add the tomatoes and cook for 4-5 minutes.
5)Grind this mixture adding water if needed.
6)Put the ground mixture back in to the pan and add water to get desired consistency. Bring it to a boil.
7) Add the artichoke hearts and let it simmer for 10 minutes or so.

I served it with plain rice but jeera rice would be nice too. I loved the slight bite of the artichoke drenched in the spicy rassa.It tasted so good we finished it up in one go. Though I am positive it will taste even better the next day :)

Earth hour

On Saturday March 28th, R and me observed Earth hour from 8.30 pm - 9.30 pm. We lit candles and promptly switched off our lights, TV and laptops at 8.30 pm. We then decided to go for a walk. As we walked around the neighborhood I was disappointed to notice that less than 30% of the people had their lights off. TVs were on in many houses. And I wondered as to what the reason behind this could be...
1) It could be ignorance..They had no clue what earth hour was or they didn't know it was on that day...C'mon people it was on Yahoo front page...
2) It could be apathy.. "What can one person do to save the earth"..But frankly each of us is doing our part in damaging it..So why not be part of the solution as well..
3) It could be addiction to electrical, electronic appliances.. Are we so used to all these mind numbing distractions ( TV, computer, music systems..) around us that we would be lost if they were switched off.. Are we worried that once everything is switched off we might actually have to turn around and talk to the person next to us.
4) It could be disbelief in global warming.. Well tell that to the next generations when they ask pointed questions about the earth we left for them.
Whatever be the reason.. If you didn't get a chance to observe it this weekend why not do it one of these days. We could make any hour, any day, Earth hour. Why not use Earth hour as a pretext for a romantic candlelight dinner or a nice brisk walk or just laying on your back enjoying the beauty of the moonlit sky. Sometimes cutting out the surrounding noise (be it electrical or electronic) lets you enjoy the simple things in life.

Your fault or mine

The world is full of many people who take others for a ride just get to some small gain out of it. These people are always using others whether it is to get a job, get money, dump responsibilities or just plain get what they want. Once they have achieved their object, big surprise.... they dump you. I am sure each of us has encountered them and had atleast one incident where after the whole thing you feel cheated and used.
The thing I want to talk about is who's to blame and incidents that follow. The first time around its probably mostly them (People users) and a little bit us (People used). I mean we cannot completely absolve ourselves of fact that we let somebody cheat us. We probably even saw little telltale signs but we let trust in humanity win and continued on our path. I am in no way trying to downplay the creepiness and selfishness of these people by taking some blame on us. But finding a solution always involves recognizing the problem in the first place.
Now for some of us the story ends here.. We learn our lesson albeit the hard way.. We get up, dust ourselves, move on. Next time the person comes around we are guarded, maintain our distance and send them back on their way. But some others fall for it again ( the emotional blackmail, penitence, turning over a new leaf talk and of course pleading for another chance). These people think it is a victory of their faith in humanity and that they are being kindred souls by giving this person (people user) a chance at redemption. But alas once again their trust is betrayed ( most of the times).
I am a big believer of the adage " Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" (this is how the saying really goes Mr. Bush). The second time onwards our responsibility for the incident increases each time. We can claim innocence for the first time (we didn't know any better). The second time we knew better but decided to give a second chance. And then on..we are probably as much a part of the problem as the perpetrator.
The thing about adulthood..people can support, help us as much as we want but we have to stand up for ourselves. Nobody can fight our battles for us...It is our job to do that.

Catharsis

Most of us have this special place where we go to unwind, clear our thoughts and revitalize (essentially catharsis). For many people its someplace where one can be close to nature (parks, beaches, starry nights..) . For others it could be religious places like temples, churches... For me its always been the sea (beaches, oceanfront).


Being from Bombay (a coastal city) , I have always had a great affinity for the sea. Whether I am confused, stressed, harried or whether I am sad, hurt and depressed..Being near a sea always calms me down. I can actually feel the chaos in my mind settling, the plethora of thoughts and questions slipping away. Its like each wave washes away a worry until finally theres nothing but a soothing calm and emptiness left behind. I always walk away rejuvenated, with a new will and strength to face the world. During my engineering days I would always go to worli seaface before exams or whenever to clear my head. When I came to US for grad school I really missed being near a sea. I would long to be able to be near a sea, hear the waves rushing on to the shore or break against the rocks.. Now being half hour an hour away from my favorite beach, California feels like home :)

Curried Pea soup

What better to warm you up on a cold evening than bowl of hot soup... So it was only perfect to make a warm yummy soup for dinner yesterday.


I started with this recipe for curried pea soup from food network and adapted it.
Ingredients:
2 leeks (white and green parts, sliced thinly. Leeks sometimes have mud inside in between their leaflets. So make a slit in the leek which goes almost 3/4th of the length and wash it under running water separating each leaflet)
1 medium onion chopped ( red/yellow.. I used red)
1 capsicum/ green bell pepper chopped ( green is better as it goes with the color scheme..But you can use any color)
1 packet frozen peas ( I guess non lazy people can use fresh peas and shell them)
1 packet veggie broth ( I used trader joe's one. Homemade would be great.)
1 cup milk (optional)
1 bay leaf
1-1 1/2 (as per taste) teaspoon curry powder ( I used madras curry powder)
1 clove of garlic ( optional- as per taste)
1/2 teaspoon ginger paste
11/2 tablespoons Olive oil
Method:
1.Heat olive oil in a pot and add garlic, leeks and onions. Add a little salt and pepper and let it cook for 2 minutes. Add the bell pepper. Let it cook till the vegetable become a little soft.
2.Add the curry powder, mix and let it cook for 2 more minutes.
3. Add the veggie broth, bay leaf, ginger paste and bring to boil on hight heat. Once it boils let it simmer on low heat for a few minutes.
3. Add the frozen peas, salt (as per taste) and let it cook for 10 more minutes. Check the taste at this point and add salt,curry powder (whatever is required).
4. Use the hand blender to puree the soup in the pot (try not to completely puree. Some texture is good). If using the standing blender, do it in batches (blend a small batch. Then add some more and blend. Repeat process).
5. Bring the pureed soup to boil again. Slowly add a cup of hot milk while continuously stirring. Let it remain on the stove at low heat for 5 more minutes (I did not bring it to boil again). The milk adds a certain creaminess. But its completely optional.
I served the soup with fresh warm French bread. Made for a wonderful tasty yet light dinner. R loved the soup so much he even took for lunch :)

Love game

Well, I am not talking about the "he said... she said" that ensues after a relationship is forged between the two people in question. I am talking about the "unsaid" before the dawn of a relationship (the testing waters phase). The things that are left unsaid while trying to achieve the delicate balance between hinting that you "like-like" this person and trying to save face if its one-sided. Having been agony aunt for one-too-many of my friend's love matters, I am only too familiar with this precarious dance. The dance is typically followed by one of the following scenarios..

Scenario 1: Love waves

Both sides are hinting, flirting, spending hours (in person/on phone) with one other. Even more number of hours are spent discussing, analyzing every word and every action of "the person", and then agonizing over the possibility of "a someone else" with friends. The whole world can see that they are both smitten. Finally with lots of support and encouragement from friends, one of them musters the courage to reveal their feelings. Reciprocation = celebrations... and it's a happiness galore. Who doesn't love happy endings?

Scenario 2: Friendship to romance

In a good friendship there is always a chance of romantic feelings. Unfortunately there is also a chance of the feelings being one-sided. In these cases it's best to be quick and honest (bandaid-is, quicker being less painful). Well, of course there will be some pain... heartbreak is never painless. But there are things that hurt more - for instance when the non-reciprocating side says "maybe" cause they didn't want to say "no" and hurt their "friend", thereby giving false hopes. Then the incident is never mentioned again leaving the other person confused. Sometimes being a good friend means making tough choices and having conversations you rather wouldn't.

Scenario 3: Puppy love

A hopelessly and madly-in-love person ensues from the unrequited part of Scenario 1. The person is quite overwhelmed by their feelings and are hopeful someday the feelings will be reciprocated. Some of the madly-in-love people see the light of the day upon intervention by their friends and walk away sadder but saner. Still others refuse to see it even if the message is on a billboard-sized neon sign. It's as if they'd rather not acknowledge it for reasons as varied as being afraid of heartbreak to being scared of never finding love again. However it is probably better to nurse the broken heart and move on, rather than living in denial.

A simple guide to survive any of these scenarios with minimal hurt would be to follow (or at least listen to) what the brain says rather than the heart. Of course, this is easier said than done.

Small Talk

There are some people whom you meet and click with instantly. The conversation flows smoothly, you are jumping from one topic to another and you are absolutely enjoying the company of this person. Somehow its like meeting an old friend (whether or not you have common backgrounds). And then there are others... In spite of having some common background (work, school..) you have always had choppy weird conversations with them. You just don't know what to talk them about and frankly you don't want to find out either. And thats when the polite ritual of "Small Talk" comes in. You talk about the weather, movies and random things while desperately planning an quick escape from the location in your head.

Scene : You are at the movies excited about watching the new release featuring your favorite actor (yeaayyy..). Suddenly you spot them and recognition flashes in both your eyes (and hesitation in your minds.. Racking brains .."oh gosh what am I gonna talk abt"..Planning escape.." wud it be rude to turn around and run now..damn politeness"). You walk towards each other and the small talk starts.. " Hey..Long time (and there's a great reason for that).. How are you..me..good..good (c'mon we hardly know each other..its not like I can tell u life sucks..)..Whats happening (not that it really matters)..". You both are staring at each other, pausing and wondering what to say next. One of you starts " the weather has been great/crappy lately..blah blah..". 3 more (or lesser if you are lucky) minutes pass in discussing weather, the movie you are about to watch and other inane things. Then finally "Chal I will get going (Thank god)..We shud meet up sometime (like thats ever happening)..Bye".. and you walk away thinking "man that was awkward".

I always end up feeling weird in the pit of my stomach after one of these fake conversations and pray with all my heart that it is my only one for day.. "Small Talk" is another one of those rituals of adulthood and politeness that I hate but will probably comply with for the rest of my life.

Keeping the good ones

"Everybody Loves Raymond" is one of my favorite shows. Its one of those shows which I can watch anytime and any number of times ( and there are some episodes I have watched like 7 or 8 times).. The show is about this dysfunctional family with an overbearing mother ( Marie), smart alecky uninhibited father (Frank), an insecure competitive elder son (Robert), the whiny favorite younger son (Raymond) and his spunky wife (Debra). The thing I love about the show is that its a family that can laugh at itself and most of us can see glimpses of ourselves or someone we know in the characters. Heres a link to its Wikipedia description - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Everybody_Loves_Raymond

In the episode about Robert's wedding Marie almost sabotages the wedding (by asking Robert if hes getting married for love..yes right in the middle of the wedding). Raymond then tries to put things in perspective in his toast to the couple (a particularly well written dialog). He says " Editing..The key is editing and keeping the good ones (pictures in this case). We will take only certain pictures from the photographer, only the good (happy) pictures. Basically, you will remember what you want to from this day...."

As I watched the episode for the umpteenth time today I realized that most of us " Keep the good ones". In my case when I reminisce of my time in Cincy I think of all the good times like the friday night movie, 2am discussions and hanging out with my friends. I don't think of the cold winter night when my bedroom window got stuck open. When I think of my undergrad I think of the good times, sitting on the katta (stone slab) at Worli Seaface. I don't think of the "Viva" we all thought we would flunk. I guess its not that we forget the bad incidents/memories, but that we probably subconsciously choose to associate the good ones with certain phases or places in our life. Or as "Raymond" said " We remember what we want to".

These good ones are the ones which bring a smile to our face when we think of a certain place or phase on some random day. Well this post is dedicated to my friends and family who helped me create my "good ones". Thanks guys :)

To see or not to see

"You are frantically searching for something. You thought you knew where you kept it (usual spot). But you have not only looked there but also scoured the entire house/vicinity. However the said object seems to have disappeared from the face of the earth. And then finally you give up and decide its gone forever, cursing the object, yourself and the world (not necessarily in that order). Before settling into life without the object you decide to look for it one last time in the place where it should have been ideally. And lo behold there it is in its usual spot staring back at you innocently, driving you to wonder if you are going blind or a little nuts". Sound familiar? ...I am sure this scenario has played in most of our lives at least once. For me this is a part of my everyday.

With me the first part usually plays as I described above. The second part plays as follows...When I do find the object my first thought is.. OK my thought varies per the situation.. If I am alone then the thought is " I wonder if this is work of some evil naughty elves whose only job is to frustrate me by hiding things from me and then bewilder me by placing them in the original spot before I look for the last time"( imaginative me).. If R is home " I wonder if he did it to spite me" (evil me).. In either case my conclusion is the same " Its me..Its me...Its all me..Nobody did anything" (sane me).

In all these years I have not been entirely able to point at the exact reason behind repetition of these fiascoes..as in if it is that I don't look properly in the first place or that my eyes do see it but my brain doesn't register it. The brain registering option is very valid because I have been known to actually "not see" people ( I sooo wish I was exaggerating here). It sounds implausible that my eyes wouldn't see a whole human being, that's where the brain registering option comes in.

During my childhood, my mom's constant response to my accident proneness was " Unakku kalula kannu veikkanum" which translates to " You need a pair of eyes on your legs". Today for the nth time I found some spice on the first shelf, after precariously getting up on my kitchen counter and performing acrobatics to look for it in the top shelves (Yes, I did look for it on the first shelf initially). And I thought to myself " Mom, if the eyes on my legs were to be anything like the pair on my head its a lost cause".

Body Talk

Yes, I am one of the gazillion people whose new year resolutions included getting healthy/hitting the gym regularly. Frankly I am not a stranger to this group considering that I have been a part of this group for the past 4 or 5 years. The big difference this year is that I am actually taking the resolution seriously (never before has the resolution seen any effort on my part). So I have been working out quite religiously for the past 2 to 3 weeks (considering the first 2 weeks of Jan as start up time). Scary proof of my strange dedication, I am up at 7.45 am on Saturday mornings to go a kickboxing class. And I am not a morning person..at all...(my husband is amused and shocked at the same time with this change).

Add my sudden enthusiasm for working out with my previous couch potatoness and voila you have the recipe for severe muscle soreness. So the past few weeks looked a little like this.. Me pleading people not to make me laugh cause even breathing is hurting my abs and stomach right now ( Thanks a lot ab crunches)...Me wincing and going "owowowow" with every step (Thankyou dear kickboxing and spinning classes)... You get the picture.

After I returned from walk/jog around the neighborhood this weekend, a fresh wave of soreness hit me. And I thought to myself "This is crazy... My body should be supporting me in my effort to become healthy. It shouldn't being trying the sabotage this for me with all this stupid pain". I only wish I could have a conversation with my body which would go like
"Listen you need to get along with the program...This is going to be good for both of us...You get healthy I get toned... We both get compliments..This definitely, is a win-win situation here.. And even if I am not going to get your support can you at least try not to dissuade and distract me with the pain.."

For obvious reasons thats one conversation thats not happening.. :)

Not so evil me

About myself- Contrary to my post's title I am quite evil and quite enjoy being so. And frankly me being evil makes me quite entertaining ;) . I am also quite narcissistic (c'mon who better to love u than yourself.. It is hard to find true devotion these days my friend). I do have an overactive imagination ( In my head everything is animated..Believe me it makes the world so entertaining). I am a straight shooter and a staunch devotee of logic. Lack of logic in people or situations rattles me. I am also quite vain (shoes and clothes do make a person :P) .

I love talking, talk a lot(all the people who have even met me once will attest this :)) and actually make sense quite a few times. I have been the poster child for murphy's laws all my life and have been trying to outwit murphy ever since (still trying). I am quite accident prone which makes for some funny stories. "One Life sab karneka" which literally means "One Life Try everything" is a phrase I heard from an amazing friend. It has been my motto ever since ( my personal change to phrase has been the addition of an "almost" before sab :D).

More about me in the next post (c'mon I did say I was narcissistic..)...Hopefully will churn out blogs on things other than me in the near future. Did I mention I have the attention span of a 3 year old..So we'll see how long the era of blogging continues for me :)